A Tribute to Douglas Adams

> This is my report on the constipation theory.
>
> (yes, you read this right)
>
> Long, long ago, space was empty.
>
> (big whoop, it's pretty empty now)
>
> Then, inexplicably, space began to fill
> up.
>
> (don't worry, most theories are inexplicable)
>
> And so, as space became more and more
> crammed, the universe in general groaned with lack
> of room.
>
> (or space, if you prefer)
>
> Until there was nowhere left to put the
> new stuff, which was inexplicably appearing
> everywhere.
>
> (what's a good theory without some good
> fallacies?)
>
> Due to the apparent constipation of things
> in general, everything began to compact within, and
> against itself.
>
> (somehow or another, there is a way to explain
> that stuff mathematically)
>
> And, as things were getting smaller and
> smaller, the universe began to contract as well.
>
> (it could happen)
>
> Until all matter in existence forced
> its self through a tiny hole in the time/space
> fabric.
>
> (at this point, I would like you to imagine that
> our universe did not exist yet)
> (and all this matter crap was in a parallelish
> universe) (ish)
>
> Interestingly enough, there was some
> blockage at this time.
>
> (it would seem that a compacted Morfaltrosic
> airline elephant had entered the t/s hole first)
>

> ((secondary note: I just invented Morfaltrosic airline

> elephants.  I needed a blockage))

>
> As the other universe piled up
> behind the Morfaltrosic airline elephant, it
> compacted even worse.
>
> (as you could imagine)
>
> You can imagine, this could go on only
> so long.
>
> (you can imagine, this can go on only so long)
>
> It seemed all life and matter would
> forever be smushed into a very small t/s/h forever.
>
> (quite similarly, you will never finish reading
> this blog, it will go on forever, your doomed)
>
> Just as the final compacted Gorbal
> spork entered the t/s/h, the other end of the t/s/h
> was slowly stretching thinner and thinner.
>
> (like bubble gum if you will)
>
> At that exact moment, the
> Morfaltrosic airline elephant was regretting the
> Spanish beans he had for dinner.
>
> (you can imagine where that's going)
>
> Needless to say, the compacted matter
> violently exploded into what was currently our empty
> universe.
>
> (a big bang, if you will)
>
> All this compacted matter was thrown
> off in every direction.
>
> (the bang was pretty big)
> (and violent)
>
> A fascinating note, the consistency
> of our universe was relatively different from the
> other, and all matter was forced to take on a
> different form.
>
> (this explains fruitcake)
>
> Everything was pretty messed up for
> a long time.
>
> (like fifty bazillion years or so)
>
> Then the last compacted Gorbal spork
> finally made it in to our universe.
>
> (took long enough)
>
> This was the final piece needed to
> throw all the matter into a realistic state of
> being.
>
> (this explains why sporks are still used all over
> the world)
>
> To conclude, all matter in our
> universe once was compacted into a very small
> Time/Space rip in the fabric. Of time/space.
> Fabric.
>
> (really, who writes this crap?)
>
> And once it could take no more, it
> exploded.
>
> (there you are folks, the constipation theory)
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> ?
> >
> >
> >
> Why? because I can. and we were joking about it.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> Professor Dominic